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 I am a 49 year old woman with alot of pain, physical and mental and i really need ppl to talk to and places to help me and i am low income most of the time no income depending on if my husband of 27 years is willing to help me as we are just starting a divorce..our marriage has been over for a few years now but we chose to keep trying and finally we have decided we have tried for the last time..i have gone through many years of abuse from him in the beginning it was a great marriage for about 3 years then he decided to hit me and the abuse only escalated...i chose to stay b/c i love him and the abuse lasted for years..then it stopped but the mental abuse has never stopped he is very controlling and in denial..he has however come to the agreement with me that he is alot of the reason for my physical pain. He broke my tail bone in one incident and that started a whole bunch of pain and the pain only continues as i also have neck and back pain that never stops ..i have degenerative disk disease and i have had drs ask me if i have been through abuse and at first i told them NO i was in fear that my husband would find out i told them and that would only make things worse for me..i have had 2 neck surgeries and 1 back surgery that almost killed me b/c i got a staff infection in the hospital and the sent me home and 2 day later i was back in the hospital fighting for my life..the infection was so severe the dr did not think i was going to make it ..i was put in a nursing home for over 3 months as i had to have 24 hour care and they had to pack my incision and all the tunnels of infection that were spreading throughout my back and buttox..it was just awful and the pain was hardly bareable...but i made it through it ..but now the pain never stops and the plate/screws and cage they have in my back are now pinching nerves and send pain through my legs and so my pain starts in my neck b/c during the last surgery i had they had to hurry and get out of my neck b/c i have COPD and they couldn't keep my oxygen level stable so the dr messed it up and he didn't make the plate big enough and i have a blank spot where something should be..so it starts there and goes throughout my back and down my legs ..i live on pain medication which i can hardly afford i cannot get SSI or SSD to accept me so i have decided to come to a differant state to see if it makes a difference..Please pray that it does i applies in November and i am still waiting for an answer..i do not have medical insurance b/c i am pre-existing on everything..i am on oxygen 24/7 4liters in the day and 8 liters with a mask at night ...i also hav sleep apnea..i came to my moms to stay through the winter b/c my drs have told me that i cannot stay in the cold weather any more or in the elevation which i lived b/c it would be so unhealthy for me and i was going to be spending more time in the hospital during th cold winter months so i chose to come where it is warmer and luckily my mother lives in the almost perfect place except this year is my first year and it has been so cold which never seems to happen here but this year it decided to change..idk..its just crazy how that worked..and my mom and i talked about this for months b4 i came here and now she is way different when we were on the phone she was willing to help me now that i am here i was here for a week and she said i guess i should have told you that you will have to pay for utilities while you are here and other things ..ok she knows my condition and she knows i have no income or way of getting one b/c i cannot walk or stand or sit for any length of time to beable to hold down a job ..she knew all this so now i am suffering with her telling everyone behind my back what a low life i pretty much am and how i have not helped her since i been here and i have ..whenever i get money from my soon to be ex husband i give some to her that is the best i can do and she knew that..so that makes my stress level so high with all that going on that i wonder if it wouldn't have been just as easy to continue living with my husband...and when the stress level goes up any of you out there with chronic pain know that the pain level goes up...i need lotsa prayers and i am just hoping that with the new year coming that i am going to have some new beginnings in a positive way..i have always helped ppl throughout my life and been there for everyone..i have 2 chldren whom are grown my son is 25 and my daughter is 22..my daughter helps me as much as she can and bless her heart she send me a little money when she can afford it ..it may be 20 or 40 $dollrs$ but anything helps me right now..i have always helped ppl and NEVER asked for anything in return..have helped ppl and let them live in my house when they had nowhere else to turn and this is the "karma" i get..something just isn''t right i say its greedy ppl and your family seems to be the worse..anyway right now thats about all i got to say about myself b/c i am getting in to much pain to sit here much longer..i am looking for someone who has he heart to listen to my life stories and anyone who wants to help me with medical situations meds, drs , etc..i am so greatful..i don't know what i am going to do now b/c moving to a different state i have to get all new drs...and thats a problem when you have no insurance can't get any help from he state or the government and you have no money..except a controlling husband who cannot live with a wife who has disabilities that he is apart of the problem..gotta go for now i will write a little more later or if you have any questions or you have some of the same situations i am here for anyone to talk to i am a good listener and i don't have money but will help in anyway i possibly know how...thanx for reading my long "about me"..and i hope to find some friends on here that can help me through some really rough times right now that have lasted for years...i am so tired of and i am looking for new beginnings in the new year so lets all hope we can find some great new ones and let the old ones be just what they are the past ..although when you live with chronic pain its pretty hard to forgive someone who has put you in this place of misery..but i have really forgiven just can't forget...i guess...i also have osteoarthitis, rhematoid, fybromialgia,COPD, Hep C, and i lose my pottasium for no unGodly reason and sometimes it just hits and i wake up in the hospital and they can't figure it out...ok enough from me for now i gotta go lay down..night all